That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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