I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
