what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
