I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
