If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
