Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
