i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
