i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
