Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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