i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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