whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
