I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
