Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
