I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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