when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
