I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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