Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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