I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
