sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
did you just send me my own nude
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
