You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
