just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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