What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
