I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
