i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
