U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
