This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
