My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
