Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
