Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
