He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
