Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
