what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
