how can u be prego again
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
