friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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