I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
