How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
