What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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