Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
