my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
