Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
