We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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