if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
