my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you will always have a special place in my vag
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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