Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
