I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
