thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
