That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
