Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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