His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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