yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
