my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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