He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
