I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
