Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We got so high we made milksteak
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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