I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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